Happy Birthday Super Nana!

As a mother, I am constantly finding myself mentally comparing myself to my own mom.  I cringe now and then when I say things that are identical to what she once hollered at me.   For a majority of my life, I have been in awe of her, aside from your typical teenage embarrassment crap.  Which I have to admit, I now feel a bit sheepish over.  With confidence I can say that my mother safeguarded my older brother’s heart, and mine with all her might.  As a mom now, I realize there is no question to the sacrifices you make for your children.  You just make them, no hesitation.

My mom was admittedly the young and cool mom.  A woman who taught me that life is too short to mince words and to be honest with myself and to others.  She on many a night taught me how to dance to the tune of Jerry Garcia, Starship or Hall and Oats.  She taught me the art of the maternal instinct, whether it be catching me climbing in my bedroom window, or knowing that I was going to be sick in the middle of the night.   A woman who knew something was bothering me before I did, and still does.  A woman who worked her ass off for two kids and was for a long time both our mother and our father.

Over the last three years my mother has shown me a new layer to her love as a grandmother.  It still amazes me the love she has to give.  Every time that my little man spends quality time at the Lutz Farm he is bursting with joy and stories of how he did this or that.  To have my child spend the day with my mother and then catch her eye, I feel and know how keenly she loves us both, can take my breath away. 

To you my beautiful mother and best friend on your 59^th birthday (and of course wedding anniversary to my sweet Daddy Dan) – We love you and cherish you.  You are the first person I think of when I am bursting with someone to talk to, vent to or just to see how you are.  I couldn’t imagine any key moment in my life in which you weren’t a part.  Dust off your shoulder to another year and be proud of who you are, which is amazing.  

Farewell 2013, May 2014 Begin Renewed

This last year, like each year before shapes and defines us.  For me, 2013 was bittersweet.  It was missing quite a large presence in my immediate family’s lives.  I have however, for the first time in many years been able to reach out and form new connections with my paternal side of my immediate family.  As good ol’ Reverend mother says in Sound of Music - When someone closes a door, God always opens a window.  So I threw up the shutters and opened a long neglected window.  I hope that over time, the closed door will unlock itself as well.  I’ll be there waiting without judgment, if and when it does.

This was also a year to stretch our legs and travel with our son on an airplane for the first time.  I’m not entirely sure why we waited so long, as I truly wished we had taken advantage of the free airline ticket before he turned two.  He loved it, and inherited our love of travel and discovery.  Everything is new to him, and it is a true joy to watch him discover even the simplest of things. 

We have also had an enjoyable year watching some of our close friends become parents, and have relished sharing that aspect of adulthood with them.  For our group of Portland friends we were pioneers of a sort, and it is nice to be joined in the ranks and watch our friend’s joys and pains in parenting.  We love our childless friends just as much, but it is nice to commiserate from time to time.

Our new year, like many is to gear up to sell our house and not necessarily upsize, but find a home that fits us.  We have been in our little South East Portland Farmhouse for almost 10 years.  We had different ideas of what was needed back then, and hopefully it is the right time to make our move.   Sellers markets might mean we are in limbo for a time, but at least we are pet less so that will make it easier.    Also on the game plan for 2014.  My husband is pretty anxious in adding a four-legged friend back into our lives, and if not for the pending move, I’d have snuck one under our Christmas tree this year.  Hopefully our spring moving will be purposeful so that we can find a furry friend for my boys to play with. 

Resolutions are typically empty, so while many make them, I’m going to make one that is easy to live by.  I vow to be true to myself.  Many of you already know me to be honest and blunt at times already, and this may be a slight cop-out as resolutions go.  However, I think that it is a healthy way to live with the hope that living true will bring me inner happiness and self-respect.  While living honestly may not always please others, at least I bring myself unfettered to the table.  I raise my keyboard to all of you, and wish you a lovely year and may each book you read touch a piece of your soul.

Two years of Father's Day Blessings

Two years ago, yesterday, my eight month old boy gave my husband the best Father's day present possible.  On that relief filled day, our child ceased having Infantile Spasms (IS).  On this Father's day, two years later, my little man never fails to amaze me.  I am overjoyed to share, being two months seizure-medication free, Mateo’s EEG results showed no sign of seizure activity!  It has been an exhausting two plus years, filled with tests, medications and constant worry; and we wanted to thank all the love, prayers and support many of you have given us.  To say we are feeling relieved is an absolute understatement.  We can move on from all of this knowing that our little man is our little miracle.   

Mateo and his Papa, early June 2011

Infantile Spasms(IS) in a many of cases, is incredibly difficult to stop, and detrimental to the function of the child’s brain.  In the beginning we learned that quite a few children sustain permanent damage from IS. At the time, our child had the luxury of already working with a neurologist during his initial onset.  Along with that, and maternal instinct that brought us there in the first place, he was quickly diagnosed and treated with the common treatment of high dose prednisone immediately.  For most parents a solution is not easy to find, and that was always forefront in our minds.   For that reason, I genuinely believe in educating our communities about what Infantile Spasms is, and how to spot signs early to avoid detrimental damage done to these special little babies.  

I welcome you to spread the word on this catastrophic seizure syndrome, so that other parents are given the tools to react as swiftly to which we were able.  There are quite a few neurology organizations out there, and I have chosen to become a mentor for other parents with the Child Neurology Foundation http://www.infantilespasmsinfo.org, in the hopes that I can provide positive advise to another parents in our similar circumstances.  The positive stories are few, and I believe that I can give hope to other terrified parents out there.  

We are now focusing on putting these times behind us, moving ahead with the normals of raising an almost 3 year old, chalked full of temper tantrums, potty training and running in sprinklers. We feel very blessed, and can only hope that our miraculous child's first few years, are the hardest he faces in his lifetime.