Sitting on the Sidelines

remember when?

when you were a young person and you discovered there was a party.

a party that everyone seemed to have enjoyed but you.

As a young girl, I experienced those shameful moments.  I'd ask myself - Why wasn't I there?  Did I do something wrong?  We have all been there right?    I specifically remember one of my friends whose birthday was two days from mine and our mothers would always dispute who got that Saturday on the weekend closest.  We shared the same group of friends, you see.  

Or you went to the party but your mother asked you to be hush hush about it so that those select few that weren't invited weren't hurt by not being included.  That was crafty, and often times clique forming. Because young girls containing their glee in silent?  Not going to happen. 

This was all before the internet. Before picture shares and when people send invites, not evites.

So here I am a woman grown, trying to wrap my head around watching moment unfold that a few of us have been excluded.  Of an event I had wished to take part.  I’m not trying to make this exclusion about me, because it's not.  It was a lost opportunity to know someone a little bit better and to share in the joy of their growing life.  So now sitting on the sidelines of the internet, seeing with my own eyes actual pictures almost makes it more hurtful than when I was a child hearing the undercurrents about a party I missed.

So what do I tell myself?  The invitation was lost in the mail?  That would be nice, but I know that is not the case.  Perchance I’ll be more deserving of an inclusion next time and work on those relationships or just be a better person.  Or just get over it and grow up.  But one thing is for certain that no matter how old or young a person is . . . it still smarts just a bit.